The Dangers of Deep Thinking
by Aliza Penelo
Summary: Sometimes love is funny, sometimes love in painful, but life wouldn't be worth living if we didn't love at all.


**I am trying to get over this. But I can't. What is my problem? Do I have an addiction? My mom says you have an addiction when whatever it is you think you are addicted to is interfering with human interaction.**

**That means I am addicted.**

**What am I addicted to you may ask? James and Lilly Potter fanfiction. So I decided maybe if I write a short story, I wouldn't be quite as addicted. So here it goes. Hope you enjoy**

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><p><em>Lily Evans was lost in thought. So lost in thought that she walked straight into the last person she wanted to see. Sirius Black. <em>

"_Whoa, Lilyflower!" he said with a smirk on his face, "Whatever has gotten you so distracted that you were not watching where you were going? A certain Head Boy named James Potter I hope?"_

"_Bugger off, Sirius" Lily retorted while hoping that the warmth spreading across her face was not a blush but some sort of non-Potter related coincidence. _

_But alas, she was blushing and she __**had **__ been thinking about Potter. And how he had affected her day._

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><p>It all started this morning when I was entering the common room in the Head dormitories. I was deep in thought about the dream I had had last night and what it meant.<p>

(It was that gerbils had been devouring James Potter and I had watched helplessly as he cried out for my help, his last words being, "Lily! Your hair is on fire!" and when I looked up, my hair was indeed on fire)

It was because of my pondering of my strange dream that I failed to notice the _real _ James Potter dressed only in flannel pajama pants rummaging around the room.

And when I finally noticed his presence, it was too late. I had successfully walked straight into him unknowingly, sending us both falling to the ground. Of course, I had the luck of landing on his BARE CHEST and not realizing it. I am an embarrassment to the entire wizarding world.

"Oh um hello." He blinked, turning red and I suddenly realized he was not wearing a shirt.

"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention to wear I was going." I managed as I pushed myself off him and got to my feet.

Smooth. Very smooth.

"It's fine." He replied, "Neither was I, you see I lost my-"

"Shirt?" I accidently said.

Oops.

"Oh, uh…" James stammered.

It suddenly got very awkward. I should really be locked up.

"So, I'm gonna go and, er, go. Hope you find, er, whatever you were looking for."

Potter gave an awkward nod and I practically ran out of there.

Having your own personal wing of Hogwarts can sometimes be awesome, but mostly it just led awkward exchanges with Potter. How he became Head Boy really surprised me. I always thought that I would be Head Girl and Remus Lupin would be Head Boy. Ah well. You can't always get what you want.

Anyway, I was running from the awkwardness of a shirtless Potter.

Who did he think he was? Running around our common room without a shirt on? I already had to deal with his good looks, and now I have to deal with his impeccable body?

Wait, what.

I had not just thought that. James Potter is not attractive. He is an arrogant, toe rag. He is irresponsible and annoying. He is kind and handsome.

There it was again. I was complimenting Potter? Even though I was just thinking it, it was wrong.

I despised Potter. I made such a point of _not _ liking him I had said 'no' to all of his crazy attempts of asking me on a date. All of his adorable -

Finally, I made it to the Great Hall before I could finish that thought. Breakfast should be a great distraction from… him. I sat down with my friends Marlene and Alice who were in the middle of a serious conversation.

"What are you all talking about?" I asked, in need of a topic far from anything Potter related.

"Quidditch." They said at the same time.

Well, so much for not thinking about Potter.

They started going off immediately about how if Gryffindor wins today's game against Ravenclaw then we would almost definitely be in the championships and the next few games would just be a formality.

Just when I started to become interested in an article in the Daily Prophet about the balding curse, (Or as interested a person can get with hair loss) in walked James Potter.

With a proper shirt on, I must add.

He walked over to his friends while running a hand through his dark hair and threw me a sideward's glance before sitting.

I strained to hear their conversation.

"Well, did you find it?" asked Peter Pettigrew, looking worried.

"Calm down, Wormtail." Said Remus Lupin "Prongs will do just fine, whether he has it or not."

Sirius Black smacked the table in protest. "That's ridiculous! If little Prongsie does not have his 'good luck charm' Gryffindor will lose the Quidditch game, his face will melt off and he will never and I mean never get Lillyflower over there to go on a date. So you see Moony, he will NOT do just fine if he doesn't have it." He turned to James, "You do have it right?"

James cast a look in my direction. I became captivated with my tea.

He looked back at his friends and nodded before patting robe pocket.

"Good." Sirius sighed, "It will be a good match."

* * *

><p>Sirius had been right. It was a good match. Or at least I think it was. I wasn't really paying attention to the game. Mostly it was the dark haired captain on his quest for the snitch that I watched. I held my breath when he dodged bludgers and rival players. I was on the edge of my seat when he almost fell off his broom to catch the snitch. And catch it he did. And right when he did, he looked straight at me in the stands and gave me a look that said "This win is for you."<p>

I hate to say it, but I felt a blush creep across my face. I turned away only to be noticed by none other than Sirius Black. He gave a sly knowing smile. I quickly turned around and walked out of the cheering crowd and back towards the castle.

I was so lost in thought about Potter and the way he was making me behave that I walked straight into the last person I wanted to see. Sirius Black.

"Whoa, Lilyflower!" he said with a smirk on his face, "Whatever has gotten you so distracted that you were not watching where you were going? A certain Head Boy named James Potter I hope?"

"Bugger off, Sirius" Oh dear, I hope I am not blushing. How could my face betray me like this?

Sirius raced an eyebrow at me "Oh what is this Lily dear? Are you blushing?"

Stupid face.

"Don't you have a broom closet to go to?" I asked as I kept walking.

He wagged his eyebrows at me "Is that an invitation, dear Lilypad, because I could not believe you would betray your Jamsie like that. I would never shag my best friend's go- nevermind"

He turned quickly and sauntered off.

"Wait! What's do you mean? Sirius!" I called after him but it was no use. He was already gone.

What did he mean by 'Best friend's go'? What could he possibly have been going to say?

By the time I got to the Gryffindor common room, the celebratory party was in full swing.

I had also managed to rule best friend's goat, gopher, golfclub, goody-two-shoes, gobstopper, go-go dancer and goof of the list for what Sirius almost said. There was another one I was thinking of but it couldn't have been right. I had not been to every single one of Potter's Quidditch matches and besides whatever his good luck charm had been was in his pocket.

As soon as I entered the common room, James had run up to me and asked, "Will you go out with me?" I instantly said "No." But was it just out of habit?

I couldn't answer that thought so instead pushed it to the back of the mind.

James didn't look at all fazed and just kept staring at me with this goofy grin on his face. But suddenly Sirius and Remus came up from behind him and hoisted him onto their shoulders.

"Let's hear it for the Captain!" They shouted and everyone cheered. Suddenly I saw something slip out of James' pocket and I instinctively picked it up.

James' expression quickly turned uncomfortable and he jumped off of Remus and Sirius' shoulders.

"Um, can I have that back?" He asked.

"Sure but what is it?" I stared at the little golden orb, "Is it a snitch? Is this what you were looking for this morning?"

I wanted to add, "Looking for shirtless." But I didn't . Sometimes I am not a _complete_ git.

"Erm, yeah. It's kind of a good luck charm. It was the first snitch I caught. Nearly fell off the broom doing it, had to catch it with my left hand even though I am right handed because I was holding on with my right and hanging upside down…"

He was rambling. But why was he rambling? And then it dawned on me.

"Okay here it is then." He reached out his right hand but before he knew what had happened I had placed it in his left hand.

His eyes widened when he heard the click and realized what I had done, but I quickly snatched it back, excited to see what was inside.

"Oh."

Inside sat a carefully folded photograph of us. The Hogwarts express sat in the background, and he had an arm around my shoulder. We were grinning and pointing wildly to our Head badges.

James looked me straight in the eyes and said "I asked my parents to send me a copy of it after they took it. I keep it with me for every Quidditch game. Last year I put in the picture of you punching me after I put that banner across the Great Hall asking you out. I like this one better."

Why were his eyes so mesmerizing. He was saying something. I don't know what it was exactly, because I was thinking again.

Maybe he did love me after all. I never had believed him because I thought he was just in it for the chase. If he kept a picture of me in a snitch, even if it was a tad odd (mostly cute), maybe he really did care about me.

Did I care about him? Wait what was happening.

His hands were around my waist. His head was bent so it touched the top of my forehead.

"Lily," he whispered, "I will love you for eternity. Just go out with me already."

My heart was pounding. My head throbbed. My breath was caught in my throat. I felt like I was going to pass out.

I wanted to scream "YES!" but what if he was lying? What if it was all a game? What if I said yes and he said "Sirius, pay up, I can date any girl in this school. Bye Lily, thanks for helping me win 10 galleons!"

I couldn't look him in the eyes. I couldn't play his game. So instead I focused on his cheek.

"I don't know." I whispered and ran out of the room.

I didn't know where I was going. All I knew was I couldn't be with anyone. I needed a place to be alone. A place to cry.

As soon as I had thought that, I noticed a door I had never seen before and decided to go in. Inside was a big, fluffy couch, lots of tissues and a warm fireplace. Exactly what I needed.

And the tears came. I cried for what seemed like hours over what I wanted and what I couldn't have.

Then I heard the door opening. Hide, I needed to hide. I didn't want to be seen like this. I quickly spotted a closet door and ran inside.

"Come on Prongs. Don't be sad. It's just a bird. You can have any bird in this entire school. You have to move on. Live a little." Oh great. It was Sirius and James. Couldn't I get a break?

"But …" started James and I heard the sound of someone taking a swig of firewhiskey. "I really thought she was going to say yes this time. I really thought I had a chance. I can't move on Padfoot. She is not just a girl. It's like when she laughs she lightens the whole room. Her smile could cure cancer. Whenever I see her, I can't think straight, or breathe for that matter. When she rejects me, I feel like I am being trampled by a herd of… a herd of hippogriffs." I could hear the heartbreak in his voice. He couldn't be talking about me, could he?

Don't get your hopes up girl, I told myself, he could be talking about some other girl for all I know.

"Oh Prongs, you just gotta…" He trailed off "Hey. What are these tissues for? We're not gonna cry…" I heard the sound of him jumping off the couch. "Prongs. We're not alone. Don't you smell the perfume? And where did that closet door come from."

Oh no. They were going to find me. I heard Sirius approaching the door.

"It's okay Padfoot. Whoever else is in here probably just wants to be left alone."

Sirius opened the door and I held my breath. He looked straight at me with a look of despise on his face.

"It's okay Prongs." I could practically taste the venom in his voice, "We are all alone here." He lowered his voice so that only I could hear him. "I hope you listen to everthing you have caused him. I hope you feel his pain." And he slammed the door in my face.

The next hour and a half was miserable. I felt like I was being hit by a bus again and again. Had I really hurt him this bad? Had I really caused him this much heartbreak?

Finally, they left and so could I. I ran straight into my room and slammed the door.

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><p>The next morning I came down the stairs into the common room like nothing had happened the night before. James was there as well, with the same cocky expression as always.<p>

And all of a sudden it hit me. My life isn't going to mean anything if I live in fear of rejection. If I let being to afraid of getting hurt stand in the way of my feelings, nothing good will ever happen.

"Good morning, Evans. Care to go on a date with me?" James greeted me the same way as always.

"Yes."

"Ah well. I'll just have to do my best to win you over – wait. Was that a yes?"

I came over to him and put my arms around his neck.

"Yes. Yes. Always."

I pulled him close and gave him a soft kiss on the lips.

He looked down at me with a huge grin on his face.

"Evans. I love you."

"I love you too."

And we walked to breakfast hand in hand.

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><p><em>Lily Evans was lost in thought. So lost in thought that she walked into the last person she wanted to see. Sirius Black. <em>

"_Whoa, Lilyflower!" he said with a smirk on his face, "Whatever has gotten you so distracted that you were not watching where you were going? A certain boyfriend named James Potter I hope?"_

"_Bugger off, Sirius" Lily laughed while shoving him aside._

_But alas, she __**had **__been thinking about Potter, and just how much she loved him._


End file.
